Party Hard Corps Manifesto!

We, the Party Hard Corps, call out now to the bored and restrained, the nihilistic but sedated, the disenchanted, disentranced and disaffected.

We call out to you with a message of paramount importance, a message that carries with it a promise of hope for all who have too long suffered under the cruel whip of the boring and lame.

Too long have we endured the torturous malignancy of wine cooler-sipping meet and greets!

Too long have we been forced to bear the crushing weight of the limp, dull-spirited khakis and polos and their uninspired mock parties!

Far too long have we been nodding along blankly to banal conversation with the same cup of weak punch in our hand for hours at a time at these soulless soirees!

It is time we band together and fight this tyranny with all the tools at our disposal and every bit of liver we can muster!

Time we chug deeply of good strong spirits and raise our voices in a slurring, drunken yawp of mutiny!

For we of the Party Hard Corps declare War!

We swear defiance against those oppressive forces that daily deny us fun and excess!

The Party Hard Corps resolves to recruit a loyal militia of rapacious revelers, debaucherous degenerates, wanton wildlings, ca-razy carousers, immoral imbibers, loud- mouthed, foul-mouthed, beer-swilling, crotch-grabbing, bottle-breaking, puke-spewing, house-trashing, hard-drinking maniacs and ne'er-do-wells for the righteous cause of reclaiming the anarchistic essence of boundless bacchanalia and pandemonious partying.

With paint-stripping alcohol and rebellious fervor as our weapons, we strike true to the heart of the legions of suppressing squares and facile fascists.

With lion-hearted honor we throw our livers on the altar of sacrifice that we may realize our dream of Dionysian freedom!

The revolution is now!
Emancipation!
Liberation!
Intoxication!